Every year on January 1 I sit down and reflect back on the previous 365 days. Don’t we all?
It’s usually something DT and I do on New Year’s Eve. But, he was back in NY to officiate his sisters wedding, so I was solo mama with the two kids this year. We had a good time together with themed crafts and a pretty amazing snack-time cheese board, but it wasn’t the same as having an adult around to close up the old and ring in the new.
For me, 2015 was the most challenging year of my life. Nothing in the past 31 years on this earth prepared me to become a mom of two. Not that I didn’t have some great moments, I mean we did FINALLY get married, but looking back this year seemed to be on fast forward and slow motion all at the same time.
If you look back on this blog I had a total of ZERO posts in 2015. I barely had time to breathe, let alone write. I didn’t even make goals for the year, thats how chaotic it was! (blasphemous, I know.)
I secretly think that’s why this year was so tough. I had nothing to live up to- no goals, no agenda, no plans. I just literally woke up each morning to a brand new day. Almost like Groundhogs Day, but worse because there was no consistency.
I’d like to think I did the best I could and tried to live each day for my kiddos and my family. But, since I rarely took time for myself I’m not so sure that happened in reality.
From the outside I bet I looked like a frazzled mess. In truth, I was a total mess. If there is anything that irks me in life it’s when I feel out of control, like I don’t have my shit together. So basically this whole year I felt like a total failure.
I said that out loud, oftentimes, “I feel like every decision I make is wrong. As if I’m constantly doing the wrong thing.” It is the worst feeling in the world.
This year, I vow to have a more positive outlook on life. Starting with today! I’m reading Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project” for about the third time and she has a whole chapter dedicated to the Fake-It-Till-You-Make-It method. Did you know, if you fake smile and fake positivity it actually helps increase happiness!
(I’m even practicing my fake smile right now as I sip left over champagne and both littles nap. Lord knows the quiet is only going to last another 13 seconds.)
Each month I plan to focus on a different area of my life, instead of a laundry list of goals. I feel this is a better route for me this year. I plan to reflect on these as I go through them and this blog will help hold me accountable.
In another post I’ll share these intentions for 2016 (I like that word better than goals) While some are totally silly, others are serious and hopefully all achievable. PLUS, I’ll divulge my 2016 Commandments (Just like Gretchen) and my word for 2016. (I didn’t even have a WORD for 2015- can you IMAGINE?! Words are my life. I guess looking back it should have been “Survive” 😉
So, without further ado, here is my look back at 2015. I promise there is some positivity!
In 2015 :
I reduced… gosh this is tough. I don’t think anything! Does that make me a bad person?
I stopped… trying to control everything. Life happens.
I lost…part of my sense of self. That and my “Single Lady” status!
I started… drinking more? working out again? does that cancel each other out?
I created…three exclusive pajama collections at HelloSunday
. I adore each and every one.
I loved… drinking my morning tea.
I was embarrassed I… just realized why toddlers are called toddlers- because they TODDLE around! Ha!
I was frustrated by…my little girl waking up at least 2 times every single night for 365 days… and counting.
I felt crazy when…I’d say the same thing over and over to my 3 year-old-son. But then I’d remember he’s only 3 and this too shall pass.
I regret…working when Junie was so young. I remember nursing her on a big pillow for months while I typed. I wish I hadn’t done that.
I needed more time for…getting used to having a very demanding baby around. I just kept hoping it would get better each day and it DID, very very slowly.
I missed… meaningful conversations and having a sense of direction.
I went… to Florida to visit my mom and grandparents with the kids, Buffalo to see my dad and sister, Cabo san Lucas Mexico to get married!
I relaxed when…never. Maybe 5 minutes during my birthday facial. Relaxing is not something I’m good at. I never was. Tanning used to relax me but lets face it I live in Texas and not visiting a tanning bed any time soon.
I would use a magic wand to change… my daughters sleep habits.
I felt gratitude when…. my son’s school gifted us tuition when I couldn’t afford it. That and the day we came home from spending a week in the hospital with my son just before Christmas. It was scary and I was so thankful for the nurses who make each day feel special for those kids.
I was fulfilled by… sewing and teaching my littles new things.
I splurged when… I got my first wax. True story.
I want to repeat…my Texas wedding day. See happy photo above.
I should have….focused more on one thing at a time. Or done less. Goals for next year…
I don’t know why I…had a wedding in Mexico. The one here in Texas was all we needed.
I want a ‘do-over’ with… my Mexico wedding. I didn’t even get to eat my dinner because I got sick. All I wanted was a fancy child-less meal. Neither happened. But, I did get to wear a gorgeous custom-made dress with lace from the UK. I want a do-over in a good way because I’d love to wear it again!
I felt most alive when…jet skiing with my sisters in Cabo!!
The best gift I received was…my new computer for birthday! A total shock from DT.
Physically, the biggest difference since last December is…there’s no baby in my belly. Actually, I weigh less now than I did in high school. Thanks to my little girl for that at least!
Psychologically, the biggest difference since last December is…I’m ready for the new year. Last year I was in denial about the upcoming year having a new baby. This year I want things to be different. Last year I wanted everything to stay the same.
Emotionally, the biggest difference since last December is… I’m emotionally tired.
Environmentally, the biggest difference since last December is…our home is full of shit. Kid shit and adult shut. I’m about to do a serious Binge.
My biggest ‘win’ was… getting nominated to serve on the local PBS KLRU Community Advisory Board.
I want more…adventures with my kiddos!
The one thing I want to do again but better is…focus on my business HelloSunday and think strategically. I need to treat it like a business, not a project.
The best thing I did for someone else was… show up.
The best thing someone did for me was…watch my kids so I could go on a date with Daniel. Basically my sister is the best person ever.
The best thing I did for myself was…treat Yo Self Day!
It will now be an annual event the week of my birthday.
The one thing I learned this year is…patience. At least I hope I did.
I am most grateful for… my health, healthy kiddos and healthy DT.
I look forward to 2016 being different… in every possible way?
Catch Up On Previous Years here:
2014: I basically spent the whole year sewing and getting ready to meet our little girl. I learned you CAN live on $17,000 income being a maker & have a baby in the same year. However, Medicaid helps.
2015: Survived from week-to-week by marketing consulting, sewing and a lot of love from helping hands such as neighbors, family, coworkers and general good people of the world.