Its 10PM, the perfect summer night and I’m sitting outside enjoying a nice glass of white wine. I’m alone, in NYC and blogging.
There is nothing more enjoyable to me.
It’s the closest thing to my heaven, except my family is thousands of miles away. While I am missing them tonight, I’m taking a second to just breathe in this chaotic city and get some thoughts out of my head.
I am really enjoying my wine, savoring the taste, instead of downing it so I can rush to my next destination.
It’s honestly the perfect temperature outside for Spring, just comfortable enough to sit without a jacket. Which, in NY is tough for me now that I’m a southerner.
This visit has been strange. Since it was for work I knew it would be, but every time I come to the city I leave nostalgic for my old life when I would come to play with my girlfriends for the weekend. Now that I have my family, I was sad to leave them and come here. Right now I’m looking forward to home, instead of wishing I could stay and live in the city.
I do love NYC, but I think its lost it’s luster to me. It holds a power that I can’t compete with anymore. I used to think this place was empowering, now its just powerful. It sweeps you into the crowd. New York propels you to be faster, talk faster because, move quicker…time is of the essence to everyone. Unfortunately, I am not as quick as I used to be. My mind and body don’t thrive on speed and excitement as much as I used to and it feels hard to keep up. It feels foreign and tiring. The south has mellowed me, The One has mellowed me, that or I’ve just outgrown the thrill of the city.
When I lived in DC I would always contemplate moving to NYC. Now, I want to be as far away from here as possible. I love my home, I love my guys and I love the pace of life in Austin- it’s where I am supposed to be right now in life. I never planned to be anywhere other than DC, working my way up my career. Sitting her now though, the best things my life are without a doubt those things I never in a million years could have planned for. They aren’t in DC and they aren’t in corporate America.
I was lucky enough to meet up with some friends while I was here. NYC is never without connections, its just a matter of who you want to see and in what context. I’m too old to party with my college friends and too poor to shop a ton, so I met up with one of my truest friends instead.
Nicole is someone I see once a year if I’m lucky, but those times we meet make life seem whole again. She inspires me, she always has and I think I do the same to her. Although we both have vastly different lives, there’s a spark of respect, trust and true friendship she and I have always shared. Since the day I met her, its been there.
Going through some one blog posts I found the one from the day I met her. I remember it well. It makes me smile. We were both living in DC and both searching for something to make life real… you know what I mean? As co-traveler down the path of life. Careers were good, friends were great but there was something else lacking.
A passion and a purpose.
Since then, she and I have continued to search- on our own and together and it’s what makes her one of my most valued friends. She’s real. She’s genuine and I’m so grateful to know her.
From the outside we both may look like we have amazing lives. I live in the most popular city in America, she lives in the most powerful city. I have the cutest little man, a loving parenting partner and proud to have a job at one of the top tech companies in the country. She is single, stylish and the COO of an up-and-coming blowdry salon, DreamDry, owned by celebrity Rachel Zoe.
Sounds perfect, right?
To the outside things may seem perfect, but until we get going down a true path, its all just pretend. Life (because of the internet) is a lot like NYC actually. Glittering and amazing to those on the outside, tough and real on the inside.
Reflecting here I started thinking about friends too, connections and the value of having certain people in your life. It’s something I think about a lot. Why we keep people close. I have this theory that people are brought into your life for a reason, for specific periods of time. I have friends that I loved more than sisters in college, or when I lived in DC, but now life is different and I’ve changed, so my need to have these people close has gone. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate their friendship or memories we shared together. Just the opposite actually. I value these ladies, and guys for that matter too, tremendously. They are part of me.
Sitting here makes me understand even more now that everyone has their own path to dance. It’s not fair to judge what is the right direction. We each have to figure that out on our own. I think a lot of times we as women get hung up and choose the direction other people want us to go, instead of where in our hearts we know we should be headed.
I was scared to move for a guy, but I did it anyway. I was also terrified to have a baby and now I love being a mom. Most of those fears came from my preconception that some of my friends would judge me. Well, I was right some did and now we’re not really friends, but you know what? That’s just fine.
Tomorrow I’m leaving the glitter of NYC behind and heading home, to the sunshine, my boys and where I’m supposed to be.
Cheers!
